The story
“Gustav Gebhardt was very proud of his little three piece gutter band. Audiences were generally appreciative, receipts were satisfactory, and, furthermore, Gustav was in love. The object of his affections was ‘Apple’ Annie, a middle-aged woman with a prosperous fruit business. Unknown to Gustav, he had a rival in the bass horn player of his own gutter band. This man secretly hated his leader and hoped to supplant him in the widow’s affections. One memorable Sunday his jealousy led him too far. The widow and Gustav went fishing, and the horn player, arrayed in a bathing suit, tracked them out on the water. When Gustav caught a large fish, his rival dived under the water, grabbed the fish and smote his honored leader with it, knocking him into the water. This was followed by a terrific aquatic combat, in which the two men participated. It ended with the defeat of the bass horn player and his ignominious discharge from the band.
“The next morning, the leader was treated to a surprise. The horn player was a Norwegian, the cornetist a Swede, while the man who handled the trombone came from Denmark. They united in a conspiracy, informed Gustav ‘We are neuter,’ and absolutely declined to play any longer with ‘a belligerent.’ Perhaps this would have been the end of the band had it not been for ‘Apple’ Annie. She remembered that it was impossible to play upon a wind instrument while watching another person suck a lemon. The ‘neuter’ band soon had its troubles. Wherever they went they met children sucking lemons, and pantomime music was all that they could play. In the end, they humbly returned to their honored leader, while the crafty horn player was thrown out into the world with the disgrace of having been discharged from ‘Gustav Gebhardt’s Gutter Band.’”
Summary from Reel Life · 2 October 1915
