The story
“A miserly old man was made the guardian of his niece, the will providing that he should control the estate until she married. Under the circumstances he made it his business to scare suitors away. The miser owned a very intelligent goat, which he had trained to give an alarm whenever a young man approached the house. When the signal was given, the wicked old uncle would take his shotgun, loaded with salt, and make it clear that he did not care for company. A young merchant was a favored suitor, and he was so appealing that he even won the sympathy of the goat. His plans for an elopement were spoiled, however, and he was in despair until a versatile friend, an actor, came to his assistance. This individual, with two confederates, appeared at the house in the guise of ‘U.S. Goat Protectors,’ and, as expected, found that the miser did not possess a federal license for his pets. His protests were disregarded, and with the goat he was dragged shrieking away in an auto. Later he made his escape, not knowing that his captors had arranged it for him. They scared the life out him during a thrilling chase through the woods, but he reached his home in safety. There he was horrified to find that his niece had vanished. He arrived at the railroad station just in time to see her depart with the suitor and a minister, who was performing the ceremony enroute to save time.”
Summary from The Moving Picture World · 27 September 1913
Another synopsis, from Reel Life · 20 September 19131 min
“This amusing farce shows Mr. Lonergan as a humorist—in a most happy vein. We believe the idea of a billy-goat in the role of a ‘lover alarm’ is original with him. Briefly, his story unfolds in this way: An elderly miser becomes his niece’s guardian—her father’s will providing that he shall control the estate until she marries—when it is to be turned over to her. A father who would make that kind of a will ought to be shot—but, unfortunately for the heirs, a lot of them really do—and the natural consequence is a determination upon the part of the guardian that his ward will lead a much happier life unmarried, and that is shall be a point with him to see that she does so. This particular miser of Mr. Lonergan’s trains his pet goat to give an alarm when any man young or otherwise, who might possibly become a suitor for his niece, approaches the house. (Some goat, that.)
“The scheme works to perfection until his niece finally becomes acquainted with the right man. At first, he’s a little slow on ideas—but an actor friend presently suggests one which they carry out with complete success. Three uniformed officials call upon the miserly guardian, explaining that they are United States Goat Protectors and asking to see his license—which, of course, he fails to produce. He and the goat are promptly arrested—carried off in a motor car—and subsequently permitted to escape in order that his captors may scare him thoroughly, while chasing him through the woods. He reaches a railway station just in time to see his ward and her fiancé boarding an express with a clergyman who has agreed to perform the ceremony enroute. Some of the situations are screamingly funny and the suggestion concerning interested motives in the making and executing of wills is worth remembering.”
